I don't blog much about my every day life, but I do feel the need to document how I feel at the moment. It's not the normal me and I am hesitant to put this out there. I am a very private person, but I hope this makes me let a bit of stress go.
For the last little while I have been feeling very blah. I have been sick on and off since I got back from America 3 months ago. And even though the sniffles have subsided, I am still left with no energy or motivation for anything.
I have started back at the gym thinking that this might be the best option. Exercise always is, right? I have been motivated enough to go each morning before work, but found myself close to tears prior to starting my session as I really didn't want to be there. I didn't go this morning and feel guilty about it.
I have lost all my mojo for the things I love in life. I have no desire to scrap anymore. Everything stresses me out.
I miss listening to music. I need music in my life. I identify with it. It has meaning. It makes me feel good.
We started a big jigsaw puzzle about a week ago to see if that would relax me.... Its stressing me too as its not finished yet. Has my life become so busy that everything is now a chore and needs to be completed as fast as possible?
I am not getting good sleep at night. I am getting quantity not quality.
I have noticed that I have no 'ME' time at the moment. I am hoping that is the answer to the problem. But when you feel like I do, what am I going to do with 'ME' time anyway?
I have learnt to cope well with stress over the years and I know that most of this is stress. I know that most of this can be solved by just letting things take their course. I know that this is going to take time to fix. I know that I can become me again. I know that I MUST become me again.
I wanted to document feeling like this, so that I can always look back and know what the lows of life were like. That this is how stress affects me if I let it. That 'ME' time is a necessity in my life. That I can pull myself out of this. That I am stronger that I give myself credit for. That sometimes we need to be less hard on ourselves and a little more kind. That life continues and you have to get involved rather than let it just pass you by.
Its time to start setting little goals for myself. I am going to keep going to the gym. I am going to keep eating healthy. I am going to get back into my creative groove.
I am going to treat myself more kind!